Too Much Work
by Camster3100
Summary: Naruto was never much for work. Only during his younger years did he strive to be someone. After that he turned into a punk, only liking three things that world had to offer, adults only, mind you. Now, after a clash with Kaguya Ōtsutsuki he's in another world. And now he has to actually do things. "And I had only had three more episode's left on my DVR..." NarutoxHarem. Lemons!
1. Too Much Work

After a certain point in my life, all I wanted was solace. I wanted solace and three other things.

Alcohol, sex, and something to smoke, cigarettes or something bordering on the twilight of right and wrong, marijuana being the most available. Those were the things I wanted. They were easy to obtain for a person like me, a handsome motherfucker with connections everywhere. If I wanted a room for me and twelve other women then give me ten minutes and some time to undo my sash, I'd be fucking set for two whole days.

Maybe three days if I didn't get bored.

After a third I was tired of looking at their faces and wanted some time to drink and smoke by myself.

The name's Naruto Uzumaki, preferably just Naruto when I didn't have to sigh papers. Minato and Kushina were just carriers as far as I was concerned. A week after I found out they were my parents, a single fuck was not given. Not that there were any to give anyway.

But the rest is a story for another time. Let's just get to the good part for now.

….

Being dragged into a war was not on Naruto's bucket list. If it was, well then he was one sick fuck.

However being pinned between undead Kage, Red-Dawn members on their period, 'cept one of the women who never ceased to make him smile, Konan, an undead former Uchiha Clan Head, biiju, a ten-tailed god, and the first bitch to eat a fruit from said god, well, he had a shit-ton and a half to deal with.

Ever since he was little, he had only fought when provoked, he never sought out fights. And this _bitch _of a progenitor of chakra had _definitely _provoked him several times over. Killing one of the few people he called family, his might-as-well-be grandfather, and others he called friends. This bitch was going fucking _down. _

It was only him and Kaguya now. And he was ragged himself. Panting, his left eye was bleeding, multiple lacerations along his arms, though they were healing, albeit slowly. Maybe he should have taken Bee's advice to master Kurama's chakra…

Bah, too much work.

Kaguya was battered, bruised, and seemed to be on her last legs as well. Everyone was down, even Sasuke, though they were on a different part of the battlefield. "You've given me more than enough trouble, _boy_, it is time you fall, stubborn brat," she spat at him, both her Byakugan and her red Rinnegan glaring at him.

"Heh," Naruto grinned a bloody grin at her as he spat blood to the side. "The only people who can talk to me like a child is when I role-play, yet even as a 'child' I still take the lead, bitch," he grinned at her. His right eye, electric blue, the eye that was given to him at birth, and the left eye with white sclera, black iris, a red, four pointed shuriken with a red spiral in the center, around the pupil. An eternal Mangekyo Sharingan.

Pale-blonde hair was covered by a white beanie, black singes covering it. To all women, he had a punkish look that made them swoon but he looked like a man with his angular jaw-line. No whisker-marks occupied his cheeks like in his earlier years as they had grown dim, virtually unnoticeable. A diagonal scar reached from the top his left cheekbone to the beginning of his left eyebrow. Various tattoos were on his arms, different kanji, images, and words.

He wore a crimson-colored vest, unzipped slightly showing off his chest. It had white trimming though it also had developed multiple slashes in it. He wore black pants with baggy cloth around the thighs and tape around the shins as well as black, closed-toe ninja sandals. Around his waist were two sashes, both white at different lengths and pointed in the same direction. Burn marks and gashes covered his clothing much to his annoyance.

He always did like his choice of clothing, somewhat ninja, somewhat unconventional. Though he just looked like a punk to most, if not all.

Kaguya glared at the young, 19-year-old blonde as she levitated in the air. The Rabbit Goddess raised both of her hands at the blonde as her chakra flared. **"Chibaku Tensei!" (Planetary Devastation)**

A black orb was released from between her hands, and Naruto knew this technique all too well. He braced himself as he floated upward towards the black orb on a piece of earth. Pein had used this to great effectiveness, and Naruto knew how to counter it.

His sage-mode activated mere milliseconds later. A black, hollow, circle appeared on his forehead with another black, full circle in the center of the hollow one, reminiscent of a third eye. Lines appeared below his eyes, going from the middle of his bottom eye-lids and then backwards. A black hue also developed around his eyes. This was the Mokuton Sage-Mode only attained by himself and the Shodaime Hokage.

As he floated, he spread his legs, and flared his chakra to sage-enhanced highs. He let loose an almost primal scream. **"Senpō: Mokuton: Toripuru Shin Sūsenju!" (Sage Art: Wood Release: Triple True Several Thousand Hands).**

If there were any onlookers, they would see three gargantuan statues appear around Kaguya with several thousand hands.

Kaguya's eyes widened as she let loose the Chibaku Tensei to defend herself from the attacks. Even for a mortal, he had enormous levels of chakra, bordering the level of the nine-tails itself. And even more perfect chakra control.

As she let loose the Chibaku Tensei, Naruto smirked savagely before he focused with his Sharingan eye and jumped up in the air, breaking right through the clouds.

Fist after fist flew towards the mother of chakra, herself destroying each that she could. Rubble fell around her, from the mass of earth she had willed into the air. She absorbed chakra from each that came into contact with her, though she did feel some damage from the Senjutsu chakra.

She, the progenitor of chakra was running low on it. She had no time to absorb any as she had been fighting both he and the other black-haired boy. While Hagoromo could not give Naruto his Yang chakra as he had not mastered Kurama's chakra of which had only been partially stripped from him, he gave the blonde _something _else that was clearly enhancing his capabilities to down her.

She was snapped from her thoughts as she was hit aside by a fist. She growled as she disintegrated it with her bones...only to hear something falling. Kaguya looked up only for her eyes to widen.

Naruto was falling in an enormous suit of ethereal armor, dark-green in color, an Amaterasu covered lance in one hand, shield in another, and swords, resembling katana, in the other two.

She could see his grin, cuts on his face, and blood streaming from his left eye. He was planning on _ending _this.

Naruto, still Senjutsu enhanced, grinned as his eyes narrowed. "You're going down you fucking _bitch!_" His entire being racked itself as his stomach lurched with excitement. He was going to win!

He was moving at speeds unseen before the Hirashin, a meteorite, armed to the teeth, ready to decimate anyone and anything beneath him.

She moved to get out of the way, only to be restrained by the hands on the statues. No! This couldn't be the end! It couldn't! She had to do something to prevent her death! Again! She fumbled to move, every single cell in her brain telling her to use a technique only to remember that this child's Mokuton was like no other, not even that Fire Shadow's. It could suppress _her_ chakra to a degree!

Running low on available chakra, she prepared to dimension jump, only for his Senjutsu chakra, in which she was practically bathed in, to taint her casting.

A fraction of a second before he would have hit, she cast the technique pulling her, and anything-_anyone_- close to her with her. And with a flash of green later, as well as a shockwave, both of the combatants were gone.

And with that, the Shinobi Alliance had won the war with Sasuke dispelling the Tsuki no Mei later. Though one question was on everyone's minds.

What happened to Uzumaki Naruto?

….

Living a life of the joys of the flesh, Naruto was not accustomed to sleeping on the ground. He would but only after he had mentally prepared himself and only when he had to. By no means was he afraid of the outside or being a shinobi, he simply enjoyed a nice goddamn bed.

And usually the ground was warm, or at least somewhat.

During his earlier years, before he was taken on to be trained, he slept on the ground and during his years of training he slept on the floors, ground, in tents, wherever.

This ground he was laying on was fucking freezing.

He groaned as he pushed himself up. His bones popped, his muscles ached, and he had a killer headache. He felt shackles around his ankles and wrists. He closed his left eye on instinct as it pulsed in pain. _Must have been from the overuse…_ the blonde mused as he recalled his fight with Kaguya.

Feh, bitch wasn't around or trying to kill him, wasn't his problem.

Only seconds later did his left eye open and both of them widen as he lurched forward and sprayed blood on the ground in a coughing fit. "Fuck," Naruto said to no one in particular as he wiped the rest of it away from his mouth with his forearm.

He closed his left eye again as it pulsed and sat upright before finding a wall to lean against. He could feel at least seven guards outside the door with two more life-forms on the way towards his, he assumed, cell. As well as one life-form inside the cell-

"Hello," the voice said as if reading his mind, a feminine touch, he noticed, though that was an afterthought. Hey, he also noticed he was horny, and craving something to smoke, but eh, he didn't have time for that.

"Sup," he responded uncaringly as his one open eye adjusted to the darkness rather quickly, his pupil dilating to allow more light to enter it. He noticed that woman who was on the other end of the cell was a woman, lying against the cobblestone in chains similarly to how he was restrained. He wondered if he should ask where he was briefly before he noticed how large her stature was, well from what he could guess she was easily six and a half feet tall.

Him being five foot ten, she towered over him.

He always did wonder what it would be like to fuck a girl taller than him.

Moments passed and neither of them spoke though she seemed to notice the blood on the floor beside him. "Are you alright?" she asked tentatively as she adjusted positions causing her chains to rattle before she hissed slightly, grabbing her right hand as if someone had broken it. He idly noticed the green hue radiating from her hand but didn't ask.

"I'm fuckin' peachy. Locked up in a cell in fuck knows where with a headache that's kicking my ass-", he then noticed a red hue on his right hand and noticed a gash radiating red power that shined almost mystically. "And now I have a hickey from hell on my hand. Ya know what? I'm fuckin' swell," Naruto chuckled dryly as he spat to the side. God! He'd kill for something to smoke right now.

The horned woman chuckled, almost painfully, as she noticed his. "Does yours not hurt?" she asked.

Naruto looked at her, or rather her shadow as he tried to put a face on the voice. "Yeah, it does, but it's controllable. I've been through worse," he said the last part more to himself as he recalled being stabbed in just about every major joint or having Kurama extracted from him, put back in him, and then partially extracted again by the bitch trying to steal his supposed power source.

"**I can hear you, you know," **Naruto heard a deep voice resonate from his mind. The voice didn't sound angry, simply tired and annoyed.

_Oh hey, Kurama, ol' buddy ol' pal, how ya been? _Naruto chuckled lightly at the small growl that was elicited.

"**I'm doing just fucking fantastic, Naruto. You try being in a cage while your cage is being twisted and turn through the corners of reality," **Kurama growled again.

_Any idea what this red shit is on my hand? _Naruto asked the fox moments after an internal chuckle.

"**As long as I can still sleep and it not affect me, I could give less than zero fucks what it is. Now let me regain my chakra," **Kurama told the Jinchuriki before severing the mental connection the two possessed, in which Naruto assumed he was going to sleep at that time, lazy ass fox.

Naruto phased back into the 'conversation' he was having, he saw the woman moving her lips. He nodded repeatedly while gazing around, "Uh huh," he said a few times, as well as "Yeah, I totally agree."

Sigh, if he didn't hurt so much he would have been out of this cell and not have to pretend to pay attention.

"And that's when they started the genocide-," the woman continued.

"Totally agree," he said before the silence became noticeable.

He blinked his open eye a few times before he heard a soft laugh and the chains rattle. He assumed she had discovered his not paying attention. "I knew you weren't paying attention, dimwit," the woman told him blandly.

"Yup, I totally agree."

The woman rolled her eyes just as the door to the room flew open allowing multiple figures to enter as well as the flames on the unlit torches in the room to burst to life, almost magically.

The seven guards from earlier and the other two lifeforms moving towards the room had entered room, if he was recalling their signatures. He stood up and grinned. "Oh, is it my birthday? I don't recall ordering two strip-," the blonde was cut short as a metal-covered fist buried itself in his gut.

He smirked as he bended into it, looking up to see a tan-skinned woman with black hair and hazel-colored eyes. She had a dark-colored scar on her right cheek bone and another on the middle of her left jawline, the former reaching downwards in a diagonal direction, and the latter in a vertical direction. She wore strange armor; an eye with what Naruto assumed was the sun behind it.

The paint was white in color. Aside from the designs on the armor, she wore a black-colored chest-plate that bore some wear on it. On her hands she wore brown leather gloves with pointed studs on them that extended right just below her elbow. On her feet she wore brown leather boots with similar studs that extended to her knees with added knee guards. On her shoulders were a set of pauldrons, dull silver in color with once piece of metal up on another, the one above it jutting outwards, the one below following her shoulder.

She wore dull black leather padding beneath her chest-piece and chainmail below that. Along with the sword and shield she was carrying, she would have been intimidating to most.

The other woman was garbed in light purple but not quite lavender colored robes with chainmail beneath it. On her hands she wore similar gloves to the former woman and the same boots though they came up to her mid shin. She had blue eyes and red hair. She also sported leather armor on her shoulders and thighs along with and unidentifiable crest to Naruto on holding her robe together.

"Damn, I like 'em feisty," Naruto grinned at her only for her brows to furrow and rage to fill her eyes.

The armored woman pushed him to the side making him laugh again as he simply walked away after being pushed. Naruto's eyes focused on the woman he had been talking to earlier making him raise an eyebrow at her appearance.

She had dark grey skin and was, like he predicted about six and a half feet tall if not a hair taller. She had red eyes and a delicate face though it was clear she had seen battle or at least some fighting before. Midnight black locks were tied in a ponytail with bangs covering the right side of her face. She was cute in Naruto's opinion. She had a nice figure, not overbearing like Tsunade's (though to Naruto, Tsunade's figure was _juuuuuust _right), but shaped nicely. Athletic and fit, ready to kick the shit out of anyone and the woman seemed to have some muscle on her, too. Like those Kunoichi in the Nadeshiko village.

Her ears were also pointed, Naruto idly noticed.

Oh those were some _great _times.

For clothing, the grey-skinned woman wore a simple cloth to cover her breasts though it wasn't thin, it actually looked durable. It was black with red lining. For pants she wore silver-colored, skin-tight leggings that seemed to have been stitched together with red string. On her feet she wore simple leather boots.

Speaking of string, the woman had multiple threads along her arms, on her hands; she wore red string that mimicked gloves, tied around the thumb, and all of her fingers, as well as her wrists and up to halfway on her forearm. Some strings were tied around her biceps and a few were on her waist as well.

"I would not imagine a Qunari up here without a reason, no?" the tan-skinned of the two women spoke, her hand wavering dangerously over her sword.

The Qunari, Naruto presumed that was the grey woman's race, was about to speak before the other woman cut in. "I am also curious as to what a Vashoth is here for, a hornless one at that. Your kind is treated dearly under the Qun, no? Why have you left the Qun?" she asked the woman before a tremble shook the foundations of the prison, or at least that was what Naruto presumed it was, the prison that is.

The guards looked around frantically as some stones fell from the roof. A large portion missed Naruto by mere inches which made him blink a few times. He sighed almost unnoticeably before he turned around and started pulling on the shackles, trying to break them. Fuck this was so troublesome.

"Leiliana, we don't have time for this. Our soldiers can only hold off the demons pouring out of the breach for so long," Cassandra spoke, interrupting the almost interrogation that Leiliana was about to assume.

_Demons? Oh this should be fun, _Naruto though sarcastically.

The Qunari woman hissed in pain as she fell against the wall, holding her hand. "The mark seems to be killing you," Leiliana spoke to the grey-skinned woman in a pseudo-caring voice. The Qunari which didn't respond instead just looked at Naruto of which was still turned around.

"What about him? What of his mark?" she asked Cassandra and Leiliana. "He says that his hurts as well."

Cassandra hummed for a moment before shaking her head. "We will escort both of you prisoners to the breach. You two are the ones responsible so I will be taking you-"; the Seeker was cut short by a sneeze…from behind her.

She turned to see the pale-haired blonde with the white beanie and not much more than rags with his hands behind his head, looking innocent as he walked out the door. Her eyes widened as she turned back to see broken shackles on the floor.

She turned _back _around again only to see her guards on the floor and with Leiliana in a daze at seeing him move so fast. "Ah, sorry, one flinched in my direction. Just a reflex," he chuckled slightly before he made an 'Aha!' sound. A small puff of smoke later, he was seen holding a thin, short, white object in between his lips and fire coming from his left index finger.

Naruto inhaled deeply before smoke bellowed from his nostrils. "Oh, I missed this feeling," he said as he took the would-be cigarette from his mouth with his index finger and middle finger.

"You're a mage!" Cassandra made to take out her sword only for Leiliana to stop her. The black-haired Seeker looked at her friend only to find her shaking her head no.

"If he is an Apostate, then he will know more about this. It would be to your benefit," the red-head persuaded, pushing her hand down so that Cassandra would re-sheath her sword.

"Ya, see," Naruto cut in making all available eyes look towards him, "I'm not going anywhere with anyone. As far as I'm concerned," he took another puff from his blunt, "this doesn't concern me. So adios, muchachos," he told them and was about to walk away only for the voice of the grey-skinned woman to stop him.

Cassandra had her sword drawn at this point. This man was dangerous, very dangerous. She could see it in his body language. He was trained to fight, from a very early age, just like she was supposed to have been as a Seeker.

"Wait!" Celeste called out to him, Naruto stopped. "You said you didn't know where you were, right?" He didn't respond, only turning his body to where she saw a closed eye and one open, electric blue one. "If you help us, help _me, _get to the breach in the sky, I'll give you any information on where you are that you want," Celeste told him; somewhat hoping that he'd stick around so that she had someone to level with when it came to the green thing that was on her hand.

Naruto hummed, he could always get the information himself, but that could possibly be a long and tedious process. Though the Seeker's loud voice cut through his musings. With such an exotic and elegant voice that Naruto would want to make scream, it got annoying very quickly.

"Do not bargain with him! He is a prisoner, an Apostate that needs to know his place!" Cassandra said as she drew her sword fully with Leiliana taking a step backward in the process, not wanting to be the voice of reason at the time.

"Listen, _Cassandra-chan," _Naruto used her name with his homeland's affectional suffix, not that she knew what it meant anyway. The tan-skinned woman glared in response. "This nice woman or whatever the hell she is, was talking to me, so zip it, alright?" Naruto told her, flicking some ashes to the ground in the process.

Cassandra bristled quickly, very quickly. She moved to decapitate him…and succeeded.

Leiliana and Celeste both looked on, the former with a shake of her head and the latter with a look of horror. Satisfied at slaying the impudent Apostate as she had done so many a times before with others, she turned to address the remaining prisoner only to hear a 'poof' behind her. She turned back, ready to swipe at the next thing that moves, only to find a log, cut in half.

"Ya know, that's _really _not nice, Cassandra-chan," Naruto told her. He was now in front of her, holding both her sword and shield.

The seeker looked at her back and sheath, only to find both areas empty. She growled an almost primal growl at this Apostate. Leiliana, however, was amazed at this man's speed and she dare say substitution with the log.

"Now, ah, what's your name?" Naruto looked at the Qunari.

"Celeste," she told him, a moment before she noticed her shackles were in pieces around her.

"Alright, Celeste-chan, let's follow these, erm, _nice _people to the, fuck, what's it called, Breach, there we go," Naruto said as those present sweat-dropped.

She nodded to him while rubbing her wrists, content that the shackles were gone. Whoever this man was, he was strong.

Another tremble shook the place they were in.

Cassandra spoke just as her soldiers were becoming conscious once more. "We must get to the breach!" she told Leiliana before she turned back to Naruto and Celeste only to find both of them gone, her sword back at her hip and her shield situated on her back once more.

A voice spoke from behind her.

"Oi, Cassandra-chan, you ready to or what?" Naruto said as she turned around to see both him and Celeste outside the cell door, the former with a grin on his face and the latter looking nauseated.

She sighed.

Why Maker why did she deserve such impudent and rebellious prisoners?

…**.**

**REVIEW! :D**

**I wanted to give Naruto a punk attitude as well as actions. Yeah, he drinks. Yeah, he smokes weed. Yeah, he smokes cigarettes.**

**I also noticed Shisui had a Susanoo now. I thought that was cool, and for reference's sake, it also said that Shisui activated his Susanoo with just one eye. So boom, there ya go.**

**I've always thought of a Triple Thousand Handed Statue. And I just had to. **

**But there ya go! I couldn't write Incarnate with this plugging the hole. I wrote this in the span of two days and I'm halfway done with the next chapter of Incarnate. Shouldn't be too long before that thing is out. Right now, I've put notices on stories that are up for adoption. Every story save for this one, Incarnate, Striving for Greatness (which I'm not actively working on), and Kuchiyose no Planeswalker, is up for adoption. Just ask for the others.**

**Anyways, leave a follow, or favorite. **

**And please review and tell me what you think! **

**So late Merry Christmas and late New Years, guys! **

**PEACE! :D**


	2. Lemme see the goods

**A/N Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites, guys and gals! I appreciate you guys taking the time to do that. Here's another chapter from our one and only lazy-ass ninja!**

**Enjoy!**

…**.**

The snowy Frostback Mountains, or called the "Frozen Teeth" by the dwarves, were merciless. It was more often than not snowing heavily, but not quite blizzardy. Today was a lucky day for Naruto who wore vests with no covering. The main reason he wore a vest with nothing below it most of the time was because of his abnormally high body temperature, it resting at 107 degrees. He was looking around curiously, however. The snowy terrain was also nice.

Naruto always did have a way with words when asking questions at the times he was curious.

"The fuck is this."

A pause.

"The fuck is that."

Another pause.

"The fuck are those."

These were the real questions and no one but Naruto was willing to ask them as he, Celeste, Cassandra, and a contingent of soldiers made their way towards the breach.

Then again, everyone else already knew the answers to those questions, so to them there was no point in even asking them.

But to Naruto, the questions mattered! They mattered more than sex-!

Bah, who the hell was he kidding, sex was number one on his list, something to smoke number two and drinking number three, and _then _there was solace. Then again, solace only complimented the first three because he could fuck in solace, drink in solace, and smoke in solace, that was why he wanted solace, but only enough for him, because, well, fuck just about everyone else.

Asking questions wasn't even a contender to become on the list, but right now, it'd be damn helpful if he had some answers.

But _noooo_, he just had to make a deal to where had to actually _help _someone to receive something.

It was like a heroic quest or whatever bullshit fate decided to put in his way.

Even something as minute as this, Naruto discovered quests fucking _sucked. _

Just, c'mon! Give it to me! Why do I actually have to work for something?!

"Um, Naruto?" the blonde heard a voice call to him making him look to his left to see Celeste in her ever-intimidating form, looking back at him, trying to decipher why he was making choking gestures with his hands in front of him, almost in Cassandra's direction.

Naruto blinked with his one open eye before focusing on what was in front of him and slowly putting down his hands.

"You saw nothing," he told her making her gulp slightly as a giant, dark-green, specter-like warrior stood behind him, its glowing red eyes boring into her own.

She nodded hastily, chuckling nervously, before gripping her wrist, biting her lip slightly in the process because of the pain the mark was exerting. This made Naruto look at her out of the corner of his open eye. He sighed briefly before channeling chakra to his right hand, moving over to where he was next to her, and placing his hand over hers.

Her eyes widened, synapses in her brain telling her to pull away lest he cause her to endure more pain before a purple hue enveloped her hand, not a hue from the mark, but from his hand. It was a lavender-colored and one that made the pain in her hand lessen with each passing moment. Celeste didn't complain as the pain was soothed away by whatever he was doing.

She looked at Naruto, noticing how he seemed bored by what he was doing, if the half-lidded gaze had anything to say about it.

Seconds passed and no one aside from Naruto and Celeste knew what was happening between the two, the soldiers weren't paying attention, some praying while some were muttering to themselves, and others were looking at the green hole in the sky.

Naruto, however, was not paying attention to what the soldiers were doing because he simply didn't care enough to look around.

Moments passed before he cancelled the technique, the purple light from his hand subsiding and with him moving away from her.

"W-Was that healing magic?" she asked quietly, not wanting the dozen or so guards surrounding her to hear, and most of all not Cassandra.

Naruto quirked a pale-blonde brow at that before he chortled. "If you're talking about what you guys use around here, no. I'm using a technique I picked up from somewhere," he told her, vaguely, she might add. He turned away from her at that.

"Then what was that technique if not magic?" Celeste asked him, her red eyes looking at his shorter stature though he couldn't help that, she was a Qunari, or rather Vashoth. Their stature was always tall. He wasn't the tallest human male she had ever seen, but not the shortest either. Moments passed and he did not answer, the Vashoth, however did notice the slight ache in her hand, however. "And why did it not heal me completely?" she added.

The shinobi had half a mind to ask her why she was complaining at his generosity but refrained under some degree of self contol.

Naruto sighed instead, veering his mind to simply become annoyed at the questions and not the woman. He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at her with his eye. "I used it to take away your pain and add it to my own. It was not meant to 'heal' you, just lessen it. My energy is too…volatile for it to enter another person's system to fix whatever the fuck is in there," the shinobi explained, before taking off his beanie, inspecting the holes it had gathered in his fight with the progenitor of whatever the fuck.

He blinked three times before tossing it over a soldier's head to the side of the hill below. The man bristling as if ready to strike the Apostate, though he did notice the glare the blonde put out making him gulp and put his balls back in his purse.

"You…added my pain to your own?" Celeste asked. She had heard of that before but it was usually a more drawn out process that required runes on her own skin and his though this blonde used no such thing. He simply stuck his hand out and there it was. "Why did you take my pain away?" she asked another question which made him inhale deeply before blowing some hair out from in front of his eye.

"You hissing every ten seconds was, let's go with, mildly annoying," he told her with an eyebrow twitch accompanying it. Celeste seemed to accept the answer rather quickly as she could tell that she was grating on his nerves. "No more questions?" the Mokuton sage asked her after a few moments.

The Vashoth shook her head in negative. "Thank whatever fucking deity there is out there," Naruto muttered before he started to search his arms, or more precisely his tattoos, for a storage seal before finding the correct one. "Aha!" the shinobi shouted making all eyes turn to him, hands on their swords and ready to swing only for a small plume of smoke to pollute the area.

Cassandra's eyes widened and she had quickly discovered that smoke meant bad with this Apostate. "I command you to stop-!" she stopped abruptly, blinking as the smoke dissipated only to see him put on another white beanie, this one looking brand new and not as ragged as the other.

The entire entourage of troops had stopped moving as soon as Naruto had unsealed his new beanie and frankly, none of them seemed to care that he had only gotten a new hat. They just looked ready to draw blood.

Naruto looked around at the readied guards, each with hands on their respective weapons. He grinned. "Oh gosh darn, you guys caught me red-handed!" the blonde said with a silly accent. "But don't worry everybody, I've got something for you!" the blonde said, grin still in place as each guard readied themselves even more.

He reached into his vest pockets, only to pull them out seconds later with middle fingers raised. He started at the contingent of soldiers, shooting each of them with the rude gesture before he stopped at the two guards flanking Cassandra and not the Seeker herself. Naruto grinned even larger, dropping his hands to his sides.

"I couldn't say fuck you with my hands. That'd just be rude. I'd have to do that personally," he smirked at her making her eyes widen before they filled with rage. Her hand twitched over her sword once more and somehow, someway, he saw the want to kill him with just her stare.

"Maybe I'll succeed in decapitating you this time," the Seeker ground out dangerously as her right hand twitched multiple times. This served to only fuel Naruto's grin.

Celeste covered her mouth, trying to hide her laughter. Even if she didn't know where Naruto came from, or what his intentions were, or even know _him, _she enjoyed his sense of humor. Cassandra seemed to enjoy it as well, and at that, Celeste chuckled at her own sarcasm.

Cassandra, still glaring at the blonde, raised her hand and made a fist, which made all present soldiers stand at attention, sheath their swords, and put their shields on their before. Moments later she extended it in the direction that they were going to be marching in. She turned back around and marched on, acutely becoming more aware of the shinobi behind her.

Naruto grinned as he, Celeste, Cassandra and the contingent of soldiers began to move again.

The Jinchuriki's as well as everyone else's feet crunched beneath the snow at every step. The soldiers passed over at frozen river to the other side to get on another path.

Naruto didn't bother to make small talk, simply opting to smoke a cigarette to pass the time. He wasn't addicted by any means (or was he able to be) nor was he able to develop illnesses from his habits, thanks to Kurama. His gigantic purifier.

The walk was going fine, until, ya know, a fucking meteorite from fuck knows where fell right in front of the group. It was also green, Naruto noticed.

"Be ready!" the shinobi heard Cassandra shout to her soldiers, each of them drawing their swords and preparing their shields for whatever else that might happen.

Seconds later, four more meteorites fell from the breach's direction, impacting the area around them, throwing earth and snow in every direction.

Each soldier was onedge. Nothing was happening except for the festering holes in the ground. Even Celeste was tensed from what Naruto saw. But she looked helpless also without a weapon that is.

Then again, she looked like she could rip apart someone with just her fists with her stature being that large.

In each of the craters, something pulsed, a bright green color, something unnatural that made most feel on edge. Each soldier aside from Cassandra started moving towards the holes, shields raised in preparation for the worst. Each step felt like a mile to the group, fearing what awaited them, though they held fast as the fear seemed overwhelming.

And just like that, everything went to _shit._

Several beings, garbed in ripped clothing broken armor, weapons sticking out of them, or anything else that made them looked unnatural, practically warped out of the holes, their unnatural, almost oily-like body structure bending to whatever shape they desired. The being had no legs, simply masses of moving flesh, a once living being. They had hunched backs and arms as long as their bodies with four fingers. Giant claws perpetrated from the appendages designed to rip flesh and restructure skeletal frames.

Naruto blinked a few times as several soldiers screamed, their armor being torn asunder by, well whatever the fuck these things were.

"Shades!" Cassandra yelled out, drawing her sword and preparing her shield before rolling out of the way of an oncoming strike from one of the demons.

Well, apparently they're called Shades.

The dozen or so soldiers were falling quickly, each too ill-equipped in the skill department. Some were faring better than others did. Out of the dozen, six were quickly cut down, either by surprise or stupidity if it had to be Naruto's guess.

Cassandra, however, was fairing much than the no-name soldiers.

She dodged, weaved, and blocked each strike she could, striking back with equal or greater force. She had also given explicit orders not to engage the enemy.

Ducking under a swipe from the Shade's claws, Cassandra pushed forward, her shoulder burying itself in the demon's chest, pushing it back a few feet giving her enough room to raise her sword in retaliation. The Seeker cut through the Shade, its rusting armor caving just like the rest of its body. Seconds later after wobbling, it fell to the snowy ground, dissipating into dust.

Another soldier fell, a Shade striking him in the back, leaving long claw marks in the skin, black ooze perpetrating from the wounds. The demons seemed much more willing to target armed prey rather than himself and the Vashoth next to him.

At this rate, no matter how much of a fight Cassandra put up, she would fall to the Shades eventually.

Naruto glanced over to Celeste and saw her flinching each time a soldier was struck or moved her body in accordance to how a soldier should have a dodged a blow. He also saw her glance over to a greatsword, the hilt easily a foot long, the blade four feet long in and of itself. It had a silver color but no outstanding attributes though it looked hardy. It was leaning by a destroyed crate, as if beckoning to be picked up and used against the invaders.

Seeing Cassandra about to be cornered by two Shades gave Naruto an idea.

And to most back home, that meant run.

Run far, _far _away from Naruto when he had ideas.

Cassandra peddled backward, escaping a swipe from an oncoming enemy, before bashing her shield into its face, or whatever qualified as a face before she rolled out of the way of another separate Shade's strike. The first creature seemed momentarily dazed giving her ample time to swipe at it with her one-handed sword. Her sword scraped against the creature's skin, cutting it but not enough to do lethal damage. If one thing she knew, she knew to either bifurcate it or chop of its head. Nothing save for lethal strikes, through and through a Shade's body would finish off the demon for good.

Cassandra growled in slight anger at her sloppiness. She idly noticed her soldiers finishing off their first Shade, though it took five of them to bring one down.

_Three shades to go, _Cassandra thought before she was hit aside by another green meteorite impacting the ground to her left. The Seeker became dazed at the act, a sense of whiplash overcoming her. She struggled to pick herself up as three Shades approached her.

That was until a streak of blonde, silver, and red came into her field of vision.

Naruto sprinted forward, his bones and popping at the action. His muscles strained, telling his brain to stop moving and rest as he had still not been given sufficient time to rest. And as Naruto sprinted, he raised a sword, but not just any sword.

This was a goddamn cleaver.

After his encounter with Zabuza Momochi at Wave country's bridge, Naruto dealing the final blow to the nin, Kakashi being knocked out cold by the Meizu and Gozu in a surprise attack, the blonde opted to take the Kubikiribōchō in place of not being paid for an A-Rank mission like he was supposed too.

Poor bastards.

He did get to fuck Tsunami whenever he pleased, the bitch practically being his cocksleeve for the two weeks he was there, but _still. _She wasn't that great at sex either, but she sure did _love _anal. He didn't have a preference, but her ass was pretty damn fine if he had to say so himself.

But still,he deserved some form of monetary or physical reparation other than sex. Something he could take home and put above his fireplace for example.

Well, he did hang the blade above his fireplace for a while before taking up the style, but it did look _damn _good being an emergency mirror when he was too lazy to go to the bathroom when he had ladies over.

But back to the matter at hand, Naruto charged forth, both hands on the hilt of the decapitating blade as he swung it towards a Shade with all the might he could muster.

"I told you not to engage!" Cassandra yelled at Naruto as she deflected a Shade's claws with her shield, her kneeling form barely able to defend. Then again, she could practically feel him grinning towards her.

Her rage was held in contempt for the man as she noticed all three Shade's gaze on him.

The giant blade carved through the Shade like warm, dark, oily butter. The bottom half of the shade stayed in place as the top half flew toward another part of the battleground. Naruto wasn't one yet either. The blonde twisted his body, his spine popping from the force exerted as he spun towards the next Shade around the Seeker. His feet dug trenches snow, small mounds being made as he span the blade. The demon raised its long arms for defense but to no avail as Naruto's sword cut through them as well as its body, it turning to dust shortly afterward. The last shade seemed to have had some balls tucked away, its vision being set on Naruto's form. It charged towards him, its arms to either side of its body ready to carve the shinobi's body into pieces.

Naruto, seeing the oncoming threat jumped high up in the air, his hands still firmly secure on the decapitating blade's hilt. The sage spun in the air, heaving the blade downward before he started spinning vertically, again and again in a circle, descending on the Shade as if he were a spinning guillotine.

The cleaver impacted the ground, creating a small crater in the process as Naruto had bisected the Shade from head to whatever qualified as a toe.

Cassandra was amazed at the man's strength, wielding a blade that looked to be at least one-hundred pounds so easily and his acrobatics with it didn't go unnoticed either. Whoever this Apostate was, he was also a warrior. Her eyes then immediately hardened as she thought of him.

He had also cause Justinia the V's death. Along with that and the Vashoth, wait where was the Qunari-damnit to the Fade!

The Qunari was also engaging the remaining two shades, her movements less fluid than the Apostate's but more skilled than her soldiers.

Celeste dodged a strike from a Shade before blocking the other's claws with the flat of her blade. Reeling back, the hornless Vashoth kicked the Shade away from her, adjusting her greatsword to where it was pointed to the Shade's chest. Celeste's strike was received, the blade piercing the skin of the Shade to where it appeared on the other side. At that she also noticed the other Shade coming at from the opposite direction.

She panicked, being occupied with the first shade, of which was being handled, before an idea popped into her head. Celeste looked at the first, incapacitated, still conscious Shade before pulling upwards, _hard._

Her sword sliced through the shade, from chest to head, killing it in the process before bringing the sword to her opposite side, bringing it down on the other Shade's head, bisecting it much like Naruto did.

And at that, the five soldiers, Seeker, Vashoth, and Shinobi emerged victorious.

"Why didn't you help?!" Celeste glared at Naruto after adjusting her new, but not as good as her old, greatsword on her back with leather straps she found at the wagon from earlier.

Naruto simply smirked in her direction. "If I helped, you wouldn't have discovered that new move, no?" he grinned at her making her pause before crossing her arms. Naruto grinned wider as he adjusted the Executioner's blade to where it was sitting on his left shoulder, his left hand holding the hilt.

It was all fun and games until the Seeker arrived.

"I told both of you not to engage!" Cassandra told the both of them as she walked over, her eyes showing fury only a woman could muster. Prisoners did not disobey direct orders and for that record, neither did soldiers, by the Maker, no one should disregard an order from a superior!

It was Celeste who spoke this time, her voice full of spite. "You and the rest of your soldiers would have been dead if we hadn't have started fighting," the Vashoth retorted, her glare matching the Seeker's own. Naruto, seeing a dysfunction, decided to intervene. He didn't do this often, mind you. Only when he wanted something, and if Cassandra were to deck Celeste and him not stop her, well, he probably wouldn't have been getting answers later, or in her pants, like, ever.

"Ladies, ladies, c'mon, we're all alive, right? That's what matters here."

Cassandra huffed before turning away. The prisoner was correct. If she and the blonde one hadn't have helped, she would have been dead and she was somewhat grateful, not that she would ever admit that.

"Soldiers!" Cassandra called out after adjusting her sword and shield to appropriate positions once more and checking herself over for wounds. Other than minor scratches, she was fine.

Each remaining soldier stood at attention as their commanding officer addressed them. "You are to hold this position until you see the breach close! If you do not see it close then hold this position until your final breath! This is your duty as soldiers! Am I clear?!" Cassandra shouted orders. At least someone would follow them.

"Yes, Lord Seeker!" they chorused, immediately looking around for anything they could use as fortification.

She turned back to see both Naruto and Celeste waiting for her, the formed looking around with a bored gaze, the latter with an impatient one, if her arms crossed had anything to say about it.

Cassandra looked at both of them, disdain in her eyes before walking ahead of them. Not turning around, she spoke. "We are going to keep moving until we come across the next contingent of soldiers. It will only be us three from now on and you are going to do as I say, _am I clear?_" The Seeker's voice gain multiple levels of malicious intent at the last few syllables of her sentence, Naruto noticed.

Wanting to get the show on the road, Naruto answered for both himself and Celeste by walking forward, his left hand and shoulder still supporting the massive blade from his homeland. "Hai, hai, let's keep moving, Cassandra-chan," Naruto told the Seeker in a playful voice.

Cassandra didn't know what the 'chan' meant but for some reason, she didn't like being called that.

The walk there wasn't eventful save for the few Shades they encountered. With each of their manpower, or womanpower, in Celeste's and Cassandra's cases, the low-level demons were easily taken care of.

After twenty or so minutes, the next contingent of soldiers was found fending against multiple shades. Though they were doing well for themselves, they did have to ride on the back of an elf and a dwarf.

The dwarf wore a heavy, brown leather coat, brown leather gloves, and brown leather boots. Underneath the coat he wore a red-almost blouse-like shirt with a deep 'V' in it, showing a bit of his chest. For pants he simply wore light blue trousers. He looked rugged with stubble on his chin. He had blonde hair, multiple earrings, and a necklace with a large, thick gold loop attached to it. He also had a wicked-looking crossbow.

The elf, a mage if Naruto had to guess, used a simple wooden staff with a metal orb attached to the end of it and notches along it. The elf wore a long sleeve tunic with green designs. He wore green pants that wrapped around his bare feet, wait.

This guy must have had a set, walking out in the snow with bare feet.

He had knife-shaped ears and green eyes, and he was also bald. Not just a little bald, but like, shiny-head bald.

He flung multiple fireballs at the shades, killing a few while leaving openings for the rest of the soldiers to finish the Shades off.

The dwarf was precise with his repeating crossbow, hitting each demon that appeared and before Naruto or Celeste got within swinging distance, they were all gone.

The dwarf put the crossbow on his back and walked over to the elf, of which was now by Cassandra. "Told you I could hit a demon with my eyes closed, Solas," the dwarf grinned at the elf, now named Solas, his deep voice developing a chuckle afterwards.

"I do not recall making a bet with you, Varric," the mage told the dwarf making him chuckle again.

The elf's attention was soon drawn to the patiently waiting Seeker. "Is there anything I can do for you, Right Hand of the Divine?" Solas addressed Cassandra of which simply walked past the elf before turning to him and crossing her arms.

"Yes, you and Varric are going to accompany the two prisoners and I to the-," she was cut short by, ironically, the dwarf.

"If I recall correctly, Solas and I are still prisoners," Varric chided, a hint of mocking lacing his voice.

Cassandra sent the dwarf a glare while Solas simply nodded his head in agreement to what the archer had said.

"As I was saying," Cassandra started, "You two are going with us to the breach. These two have marks on their hand and we must know if they are connected to it," the Seeker spoke.

Solas nodded his head. He was an Apostate, but not violent like most these days. "That would seem logical," he agreed.

Cassandra looked at her, erh, for the lack of a better term _team, _as well as the soldiers around her, and noticed their weariness. "We move in five minutes, be ready."

Naruto stared hard at the dwarf as he conversed with the elf. Cassandra had taken Celeste away to most-likely talk to her about anything prior to the Chantry explosion while Naruto was here, looking at these two talk.

Naruto still stared and Varric, for some odd reason, felt like he was being watched.

He turned to the blonde-haired human with an eyebrow raised.

"Can I help you? You look live you've never seen a dwarf before," Varric spoke while Solas simply observed.

"I actually haven't," Naruto told him matter-of-factly.

"Well that's good. Most dwarves are assholes," Varric spoke with a chuckle.

"I've been labeled as an asshole before," Naruto told the dwarf.

"Are you a dwarf?" Varric asked.

"No, last time I checked, I was taller than you," Naruto responded.

"Good, then we'll get along just fine," Varric chuckled before Naruto cut in.

"Wait, do you like drinking?"

"Only the finest liquors."

"What about smoking?"

"The finest cigars are the only round things allowed near my mouth."

"What about smoking, ya know, the good stuff?"

"I grow my own."

Naruto grinned. "Naruto," he extended his hand.

"Varric Tethras," the dwarf extended his, a grin in place as well.

Naruto spoke this time as he shook the dwarf's hand.

"I think we're gonna get along _juuuust _fine."

…**.**

**A/N**

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